Rule 1. A ball
sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
placed on the fairway at a point equal
to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with
no penalty. Player should not be penalized for
uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.
Rule 2. A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not
to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck
has no place in a scientific game. The player must
estimate the distance the ball would have traveled
if it had not hit the tree and can play the ball from
Rule 3. There shall be no such thing as a lost
ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will
eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making
it a stolen ball. The player is not to
compound the felony by charging him or herself with a
Rule 4. If a putt passes over a hole without
dropping it is deemed to have dropped. The law of
gravity supersedes the law of golf.
Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup
that they could be blown in may be blown in. This does
not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one
wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6. There is no penalty for so-called "out
of bounds" If penny-pinching golf club owners bought
sufficient land this would not occur. The golfer deserves
an apology not a penalty.
Rule 7. There is no penalty for a ball in a water
hazard, as golf balls should float. That they do not
is a technical problem that manufacturers have yet to
overcome. Golfers should not be punished for
Rule 8. Advertisements proclaim that golf scores
can be improved by purchasing new clubs, balls, shoes
etc. Since this is financially impossible for the average
Golfer, 1/2 a stroke per hole may be subtracted for
using old equipment.
9. A Senior Citizen's handicap may be calculated as
follows: Number of prescription drugs taken
each day X the number of grandchildren that visit each
10. This business about scoring a "birdie" when
the player has not hit a "birdie" shall cease!
Just because you get into the hole 1 stinkin' shot under
par does not give you the right to claim
a "birdie".... You must hit a bird (in flight)
to claim a "birdie". If you hit an eagle in
flight you may claim an "eagle".
OKAY???? Get over it!